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Friendship and romance are two things that you always encounter throughout this journey called life. Without friends life would be really dull and often unbearable. Romance is something without which your life remains incomplete.
In the modern era when children spend enormous amount of time glued to TV and computer screens, and to game consoles, they often do not learn the art of making friends. The aim of this essay is to help our youth in this arena by giving them practical tips and techniques.
From my own personal experience I can testify to the great importance of friendship and romance. When I was in junior high school attending a village school in India, I made friends with a boy of the same age. We used to go walking in the fields in the evenings together. I remember spending a lot of time with him. We became so close that even after I left that school and moved to another school, we remained friends. We remained friends even after we separated and I went on to attend engineering school for five years. We remained friends even after I came to America and he stayed in India. He helped me in many ways. This friendship gave me a lot of support and strength. I can honestly tell you that without this friendship I would not have been able to achieve the academic successes that I achieved in India.
Then when I was in the third year of my engineering school, around 1967, I made friends with a girl who was of same age. In fact her brother was my friend and I met her when I went to visit their home. The next day I wrote her a “love letter” and sent it to her college dorm where she was staying. In just about a week her reply came and it had the feelings that I was expecting. Even though we lived in different cities, by exchanging letters like this and meeting occasionally we became very close friends. I remember her once giving me a scarf as a gift and I cherished her gift for a long time, because she had woven it herself for me. This romantic relationship had no physical aspect whatsoever because we were growing up in a society where physical contact was prohibited prior to marriage.
I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that this friendship had a great nourishing effect on my soul and the academic successes that I achieved at the engineering college were a result of my happiness which in turn was a result of this friendship.
Unfortunately she broke off with me under the pressure of her dad who did not approve of our marriage because we belonged to different castes and also because I belonged to a poor family while she was the daughter of a rich businessman.
How to make a friend of the same gender
Making a friend of the same gender is much easier because there is no tension about romance here. Thats why such friends are called regular friends. The first step is to attend social events where people of your age and interests gather. Then you should strike conversations with people and very soon you will realize that some people are more friendly to you than others. With such people you need to exchange phone numbers and you need to call such people. When you call, talk about anything that both of you find interesting. If nothing else comes to mind, talk about the latest interesting news you read today in the news media. I find that men invariably like to talk to other men about the latest political news. So, if you find that you or the other person is running out of topics, start talking about any interesting story you read in the media recently. This can be about political or economic news, or a human interest story. The aim is to talk so as to build a repport and develop your relationship. If you do not talk, or you talk very little, your relationship will not develop and it will wither away just as a flower withers away without water in warm summer.
As you chat more and more you become friends. It is important to remember that you should not be shy about making the first call. Someone has to be the first to make the call and it might as well be you. Why wait for the other person to call you? By making the call, you are seizing the initiative and proving to yourself and to others that you can take the lead.
However, if you find that even after making a few phone calls, the other person is not calling you, or if you sense that the other person is not really interested in you, then you should stop wasting your time and emotional energy and find someone else.
In this regard, I have realized that a friend is someone who returns your call. If you call your friend and if he or she does not return your call, and if this happens repeatedly then you should realize that he or she is not your friend and you should try to find someone else.
Also, a true friend is someone who is there when you need him or her. A true friend is someone in whom you can confide. If your friend does not have these two qualities, dont dump him or her but realize that what you have is not a true friend but just an ordianary friend.
Also it is better to have just an ordinary friend than not to have a friend at all. In fact you will have people who are not even your ordinary friends, but just acquaintances. It is better to have acquaintances than not to have them. Of course, the best thing is to have true friends in whom you can confide and who are there when you are in need. But it takes long time to nurture such a friendship. To nurture such a friendship, You also have to be willing to help him or her when he or she is in need.
I have realized that friendship requires sacrifice. Also as my guru Chanakya says, it is better to be without a friend than to have a rascal or a wicked person as a friend. Also Chanakya says that all friendships have some amount of self interest and one should accept it as a bitter truth of life. However if the other person seems to be always trying to use you and if he or she seems to always want something from you without ever wanting to give you something, then it is time to break it off.
How to ask a girl for a date
Don’t call her and ask her to go out on a "date" at all. Rather, have some kind of fun activity planned for yourself, going to the beach or a dance club or hiking or a sport, whatever YOU like to do for fun. Casually invite her along much like you'd invite a male friend. Have a regular phone chat about the latest interesting events in your or her life or about current events just as you would with a guy friend,
Let the conversation wrap up like this.
"It's been good talking to you, I have to get going now for (mention the reason: work/dinner/plans/whatever)". But before you hang up, interrupt yourself to enthusiastically mention "Hey, I'm doing this thing (mention the activity ) later/tomorrow/Saturday (whatever day.) You should come along, it'll be fun".
That takes all of the mentally stressful "date" pressure off of you and her. You're not asking her out, you're just a fun guy with fun plans and you're saying she can come have fun too. Do not even make it a question! State what your plans are and state that she can or should join you for a fun time. If she expresses interest wrap up any details quickly and GET OFF THE PHONE. More phone chat is just a chance to go downhill.
Remember nothing is achieved without trying. You are just asking a girl or woman for date. The worst that can happen is that she will say NO. She is not going to kill you for asking. So, be brave and try.
Here is more advice from WikiAnswers contributors:
How to ask a guy for a date
Even though normally a male is supposed to ask a girl for a date, there is no reason whatsoever why a girl should not ask a guy for date. Times have changed and women have become emancipated. So, why stick to old fashioned notions? However a girl must not be too aggressive in asking a guy out. She should follow the same general scheme given above under “How to ask a girl for date”.
However, my best advice is as follows. If a girl (or woman) likes a boy (or man), she should not ask him directly for date. Rather, she should first give him subtle hints that she would like to date him. If he does not take the hint, then she should give him more direct hints. Now, if the guy still does not take the hint, then she can approach him directly.
Who pays for dinner or the movie?
There is a very old rule that the man is supposed to pay all the expenses while on date. But many authors including myself feel that this rule needs to be revised in keeping with the times. How about setting one indisputable rule to help straighten out this situation? Whoever asks the person out pays for the date. Now, I don't know about where you live, but in New York City there are women who will make the first move. They get tired of waiting for the man to realize that he likes her or gather enough courage to ask her out, the girl will ask a man to go out. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this in my mind, and it facilitates establishment of a new rule for the dating game: if the woman asks the man to go out then she should pay; if the man asks the woman for a date, then he should pay. If this rule were established, it would make things a good deal easier for all concerned. Dating is an exciting time in people's lives and should not be made cumbersome by the thought of who pays what.
However, my thinking is that even if a woman asks a man out, if the man earns much more than the woman, he must pay.
If he does not, he will definitely lower himself in the eyes of the woman.
In the same way, if a woman makes much more than the man, she should pay, even if the guy asked her out; in fact she should
insist that she pay. But she must do so without offending the man.
How to handle rejection Rejection is of two kinds.
You ask a girl for date, and she refuses. This should not scare you too much.
Remember when you make an attempt to do anything, you will fail a few times. I
have read of great novelists who sent their novel a hundred times to publishers
and were rejected. Finally on 101st attempt, it got accepted and the
novel became a bestseller. What this tells you is that success comes to those
who persevere. Those who chicken out after a few failures will never taste the
sweet taste of success. The second form of rejection
is that you succeeded in making a boy friend or a girl friend, and your lover
rejects you and leaves you for someone else. Some people become very
violent when this happens. Many people become depressed and resort to drugs or
alcohol to numb their pain. Both these reactions are unwarranted, though
understandable. When you get rejected,
consider it as the will of God and pray to Him or Her to give you strength to
overcome your loss and move on. Do not stop trying to make friends. Also never think that you are
a loser just because you got rejected. If you think yourself a loser, the world
will think of you the same. When my girlfriend in India refused to marry me, I
did not get disheartened. In fact I made further attempts to advance myself in
life. I got a visa to come to America and made a new life here. But in
retrospect I must admit that her rejection caused a deep psychological wound on
my psyche, and the scar is still there. If you get rejected, you must
learn from past mistakes to avoid future ones but you must never get dejected,
disheartened or demoralized. *** The End *** Sources (1) WikiAnswers - http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-a-Girl-Out